Category: Uncategorized

When I started this blog 2 years ago, it was so I could write down some things that have been bouncing around in my head for years. Things like basic principles of good engineering, observations on people and the world, maybe the occasional rant (I’m saving one for Election Day). I haven’t much gotten to those long-form pieces yet, and instead up to now it’s been mostly travelogue pieces and other short posts.

My mother died last week.

She was in a car accident, got banged up but thought she was fine and so refused medical attention, and then proceeded with her day. But she had bleeding in her brain, and as the day wore on (at work!) she got groggy, was taken to a hospital, fell into unconsciousness and then into a coma. She passed away a couple days later, by which time the whole family had gathered at her hospital bedside.

She was a force of nature, and was an unforgettable presence for anyone who knew her. Raised in Germany as the runt of the family, she emigrated to the US on her own pretty much as soon as she could, continued her nascent dental career here, met my father and started a family. She ran the household, ran the finances, ran us through school, ran her career as a dental hygienist (and occasional artist) and ran whatever else needed running.

After getting divorced in 1985, she established her own home in Lambertville, a masterpiece of a house by all counts. She had worked with the contractor to adjust the design per her desires, and the house became a huge personal statement. Beautiful, open, lush … it was and is my mom’s place. She continued raising my littlest sister there until she left for college and the world in the mid-90s. Then, after her third and final heart surgery, she really seemed to bloom and started pouring her energy into all sorts of things.

We talked many times about how she was envious of my career as an engineer; she was always so interested when I started explaining technical things. Just like her son, she was meticulous and thorough in her work and life, to the point of appearing nearly anti-social (but not as much as her son …). So much to do, no time for chit chat! If she’d been born later maybe she’d have followed the same career path that I did. In recent years I’ve been looking for Iridum flares and she really took to that, even finding some herself on clear evenings.

She demanded excellence from me as a child, which was pretty tough going because although I was damn smart, I was also damn lazy. Seems like I was always getting in trouble for blowing off some big school project until the last minute, which gave her grief to no end. This continued pretty much into college, with me skating along on my smarts (and test performance, including blistering SAT scores) and getting middling grades. Finally in my third year of college, after nearly flunking out and spending a dreary six months back at home living with Mom and working some deadend job, the proverbial lightbulb turned on in my head and I started taking charge of my own life, and haven’t look back since. How do you thank your parents for putting you through college? By taking advantage of the opportunity, and I’ve tried to do that. I often think about what motivates me to keep doing the non-work activities that I do, such as [formerly] helping to run WREK and [lately] helping to run Eyedrum, not to mention other smaller deeds. My parents gave me a stable childhood and a good education, with no trauma to put me in therapy or otherwise bind me up in tangles of self-doubt or indifference. And so I’ve tried to use that good start to plow forward and get stuff done with my life.

It was in recent years that she really seemed to be coming into her own. All three children were raised and successful, she’d paid off the mortgage on the house (that she designed), she’d found a lucrative job with a great employer, and was starting to think about retirement. But retirement always seemed to be getting put off, because she loved work so much. And it wasn’t just “work” work, it was doing things for other people. Somebody at the Oct. 22nd gathering at her house (nearly a hundred people showed up) said that my mother had this ability to make you think that you were the most important person in the world to her. So many people had stories of her bending over backwards to help them, whether it was building and painting theater set backdrops, or driving a friend to and from chemotherapy, or just getting together for lunch once a month to talk. But she was private about a lot of these activities, so we (the kids and ex-husband) really had no idea about it all until we started calling through her Rolodex last week. We just knew Mom was always on the move.

Two weeks from today she was supposed to come down to Atlanta and visit me and Sharon for a long weekend. Finally she would see for the first time the elaborate stained glass piece that she had made for me (did I mention that she sold stained glass?!) installed in the custom window box that I’d designed as part of our house renovation of July 2004. I was going to finally take her to Eyedrum, where a new sound-based show is opening in mid-November. We had a yard project all ready for her — it was a running joke in our family that you better have some big project ready for mom when she visited because she was definitely going to do *something*. I’d already bought tickets to the Georgia Aquarium, an afternoon trip which surely was going to get us talking about our week-long trips to the Georgia barrier islands, some 15-20 years ago, to patrol the beaches for nesting loggerhead sea turtles. We’d talk about the trip to the Galapagos Islands that I had promised to her just last month upon her 65th birthday; it seemed like my mom had been dreaming about going there for decades, and suddenly last month it occured to me that *I* needed to take her there. So that was going to be my 2008 trip.

So obviously I wanted more time with my mom. We always want more time. But I also remember, growing up, how my mom’s heart condition was always in our consciousness, whether it manifested itself as her being tired and winded after [deservedly] scolding me for some offense, or heading into open-heart surgery as she did about every 10 years. The specter of being a motherless child seemed to be there, always, until after we’d all grown up and it seemed that, in fact, she was going to live forever. She made it to 65! Instead of being robbed of the future years, it’s almost like we got 20-30 extra years. Years during which she re-established herself in her own household, forged an incedibly close and warm relationship with her youngest daughter, got to share in the joy of the first grandchild, and watch her family blossom around her.

Last week was full of sharp, sobbing grief. This week has the constant undercurrent of dull, lonely pain. There’s a huge hole in my life now, and forever. I’m settling back into my regular life, listening to music, watching TV, even laughing occasionally, but there’s still that hole there.

God, I miss her so much.

Bye, mom.

Update Dec 5th: Added pictures. It’s almost two months later and it’s still a shock. Not a day, an hour, goes by without me thinking “damn, I’d love to tell my mom about that”. Without seeing her in some random detail of the world.

Note: I drafted this post in 2006 but I guess I never finished it and I definitely never published it. In 2025, when Typepad shut down and I moved this entire blog to a new domain, I discovered this old post sitting here drafted. I am publishing it now as-is (backdated to 2006) to capture my thoughts, but please be aware that it is unpolished, both in the writing itself (e.g. grammar) and in the tone (e.g. maybe I said something offensive that I would have edited out later). That said, here I go, pushing the publish button …

WREK is in the news lately, so I guess it’s about time I dump the WREK treatise out of my head.

I started at WREK in the fall of 1988, having been at Georgia Tech for a couple years by then. I was in the middle of a rapid evolution of my musical tastes, which had started with the typical pop radio / classic rock corporate crap in high school and the first year or two of college, winding through the corporate “new music” (e.g. Smithereens, Living Color), spending about 6 months blowing through standard college radio WRAS-style pop rotation at the time (Mission UK, Robyn Hitchcock, etc.), and ending up with an enormous appetite for MORE. WREK happened to be the station at my college so I dove in and discovered a world of music … beyond rock. Sufi chant, free jazz, ambient noise, 20th century composition, all in addition to the more approachable fare of old school HC, electronic, bebop, and so forth.

And as I’ve heard others say so many times over the years, WREK changed my life. It inducted me into a music and culture underground that you would have no idea existed … I ended up spending the next 8 years deeply involved with the operation of the station, but by 1996, graduating with my second degree, I decided to quite cold turkey and just be a regular listener, a consumer. Well, 3 years later I could stand it anymore, it was obvious the station was falling apart (more on why later). So in 1999 I dove back in, this time more as a professional engineer and project manager who was determine to Make Shit Happen, and for the next 3 years I busted ass and practically rebuilt the whole station. I took a station that was heading towards the dumpster and, with the help of 3 other guys, converted it back into the functional juggernaut that I remembered. We fixed equipment, built new systems, set up operational processes, and basically made the place work again.

In 2002 I started a new job and again I said goobye to WREK. This time I was more deeply entangled, so I couldn’t just quit, I had to slowly shed all of my roles, and after about 2 years that was done. I still do a handful of things for WREK, but generally they are a few low-maintenance technical tasks that I hold onto only because it would be far more work for me to explain them than to just keep doing them. Generally these are tasks that will be retired over time anyway so it’s not like it’s an open-ended commitment. And the one bit of “fun” work that I do at WREK is the monthly Eyedrum radio show, which makes for a neat tie-in between my old hobby (WREK) and my new hobby (Eyedrum).

WREK is definitely dying. The staff of WREK (of my halcyon days of 1988-1994) was far more engaged in the music scene, far more active in Getting Shit Done, far more engaged in life. These days everybody seems to be sleepwalking through their lives, and I’ve attributed to the following things.

1. College radio doesn’t attract motivated people to work there anymore. Up until the mid 90’s, the only way to be exposed to independent/alternative music was to be involved in the local scene — listen to the local noncommercial radio, go out to shows at clubs, read zines, and so forth. People that really wanted to express themselves had to do it by publishing zines, working in college radio, promoting shows, playing in bands. But with the advent of the web in the mid-90’s, most of that energy coming from the urge to express oneself flowed into the internet — home pages, internet discussion forums, even net radio. Obviously blogs and Myspace were still to come. So the people who were really driven to get involved in the scene had an outlet for expression, and they are no longer driven to college radio (and the other outlets I mentioned). So what’s left? The average losers who walk in the door to get on the radio ’cause they think hearing their voice on the radio sounds cool. That quality person does not make for a well-run radio station, it makes for one that slouches its way through life.

2. We now have the Playstation Generation in schools. Now, this is definitely going to make me sound like a cranky old geezer, but kids really are getting dumber and less capable of independent thought. They’ve had their entertainment spoon fed to them through their vibrating video game controllers and Sidekicks, and that creates a person who can’t take an empty canvas and create something new with it. It’s all one collosal shrug now.

3. The drinking age went up to 21. This happened back in the mid-80s, so it obviously isn’t anything new like the internet, but it created a definite braking effect on the scene. The average college student is under 21 and can’t get into the clubs where most of the music scene is being played out. Yes, there are alternative venues and all-ages shows, but the bread and butter of the scene is happening night after night in the over-21 clubs.

I don’t think any of these things are reversible. College radio, even radio itself, had its day in the sun and the sun is setting; real creative expression has moved on to other outlets. We’ve got a great infrastructure in place so certainly we can milk if for all its worth, and try to keep the remaining faded gems of radio (including WREK) going as long as possible, but it’s just postponing the inevitable. WREK, if it continues to exist at all, will eventually revert to the echo chamber of frat boys playing “new music” for their buddies, or just get taken over completely by the fine folks in “public” radio. Perhaps not this year but soon enough.

Some people currently (or recently) at WREK will read this and complain that things are fine, but I don’t think they have the hindsight to see what’s missing: – there’s no effort to feature recordings of local music; there are some great ways to implement this but nobody cares anymore – no real effort – no more promos for weekly shows like Earwhacks – oh wait, they cancelled Earwhacks (an album in its entirety) altogther, golf clap – hardly any Sunday Specials, virtually none outside of my own monthly show

Some folks recently asked me about my opinion of the WREK events, and I’ve basically told people that my opinions are too dark and I’d rather not say.

But it’s not dead yet! So tune in while you still can and soak it all in. It’ll be replaced with morning shows and Nickelback and marketing-driven fare soon enough.

To get you started, I’ll post some highlights of WREK’s programming soon. Shows that I listen to religiously every week.

or Seven Thousand Of My Closest Friends

I bought tickets to this 3-day event as soon as I heard about it back in June. Bought airline tickets, flew up, paid for hotel … I’m a yuppie, and a hypocritical one at that since I used to sneer at all the nostalgic punk rock tours that are perpetually coming through Atlanta.

Bands not mentioned I either didn’t care to see (in lieu of actually seeing a bit of Chicago) or didn’t inspire anything in me.

For TONS more pics, go to Flickr and search for “[bandname] chicago”, like these pictures of Pegboy.

Friday Girls Against Boys — I walked into the festival a couple minutes before 7pm (on time to see GvsB) to hear the MC announcing that they were going to play VLN1B … in its entirety, from beginning to end. Now, I realize that this band is not the most punk rock thing out there, but that album was one of those perfect masterpieces from that time, largely due (I think) to the engineering prowess of Eli Janney (at left in photo). And he seemed to be enjoying himself most of all, especially in his embarrassment at not being able to sing …

Ted Leo + Pharmacists — I’ve been reading great things about TL/Rx for years but have never bothered to go see him, or couldn’t for whatever reason. Solid, enjoyable indie pop rock, kind of a Jam sound, lots of energy, definitely a pro. A++++++++

!!! aka Chk Chk Chk — Aw geez there’s an awful lot of indie rock hipster posturing about this band, pro and con. It’s funny how when a band really figures out how to push an audiences buttons, everyone gets all upset. They’re all over that dance punk sound that’s all the rage these days, practically full-on disco. But damn they put on a good show, mostly due to the magnetic frontman and his uproariously goofy dance style. Solid sweaty entertainment although it’s pretty much empty calories. They are going to make a boat load of money over the next 18 months, ga-rawn-teed.

Saturday

Uzeda — A really great performance. The band’s sound is pretty much a perfect copy of the Jesus Lizard, including the Travis Bean guitar and menacing bass. Except it was all played by four older grinning Sicilians, and the vocals were by the [female] Giovanna Cacciola. Quite intense and moving, including in particular her brief heartfelt thanks to the crowd for the opportunity to play. Just a simple, great set by a band obviously relishing the moment. Here are more pictures from Flickr.

Pegboy — Holy crap what a riot! I expected this band to have the tighest set, what with John Haggerty at the wheel and the Naked Raygun history and all, but turned out to be the most sloppy fun of them all. Larry Damore walked onto the stage to announce that he was drunk (at 2pm) and proceeded to demonstrate it. Absolutely hilarious insults volleyed back and forth with the crowd (and himself). I could have used a little bit less views of his substantial beer gut though. This was one of the few bands that I really came to see and they delivered a show worth the trip.

Didjits — Rick Sims, ladies and gentlemen! What a ham. Prowling across the stage with his gorgeous black SG, belittling the crowd (with a smirk) and tearing through a super set. I don’t remember the bass player from when I saw them 15 years ago at the Masquerade, but maybe he just became more … memorable looking. Tattoos all the way up to his chin, and above his chin he was missing a few teeth. The drummer kicked ass too. A shining beacon of raw punk rock power. I would love to have video of this and Pegboy.

Negative Approach — John Brannon and Co croaks through an earnest set of hardcore bon mots. Well, the mohawk and leather kiddies were pretty happy. The poor things, they stuck out like a kick in the head, sulking around the place waiting for NA to play.

Scratch Acid — At this point, for the festival big guns, the place was fully populated with the sell-out crowd. Without being a rude sonofabitch I couldn’t get close enough to read the faces of Yow, Sims, Wesham and Bradford, what with all the scenesters in the way. But from what I could see they put on a good show, Bradford in particular was skittering all over the place (excepting the psychotic Yow, of course). Sims is great to watch anytime, and Washam … well, I couldn’t quite make him out. Jesus, it was like seeing Journey or some shit like that at the Omni, they were so small. Halfway through I left to go get something to eat and decompress my spine, but could hear them working diligently through the catalog. Stop eating my braaaaaaain!

Big Black — somewhat like seeing Nirvana in 1992, meaning it sucked, in that it seemed like everyone was there just because they’d heard it was cool, and whether the band was actually playing didn’t seem to matter much. Three songs, short and sweet. Yes, that is Jeff Pezzati playing bass.

Shellac — Hey look, another Travis Bean! But Albini’s TB is a rare model, so there. I got bored and left. I’ll try to catch them when they come through Atlanta, since I’m told they’re in good form lately. I just couldn’t bear the see-and-be-seen crowd anymore, nor the distance from anything worth seeing.

Sunday

Seam — One of the bands that I was really here to see. They put out an album on T+G called “The Problem With Me” which apparently everyone liked but that came after my time. I was more into their early singles, and they played them all. That’s the crazy thing about this whole event: typically with these bands that have been together for a long time, you go in hoping that the band will at least play a couple of your favorite songs, and in the case of this festival they’ve been playing them ALL. Every damn one. I mean, I don’t bother going to Superchunk shows anymore because these days they barely play the stuff I care about. Aaanyway, the crowd was very much into the Seam performance, and I didn’t hurt myself jumping up and down like an idiot.

Brick Layer Cake — Todd Trainor is a god. That’s pretty much it. OK, that’s not it. Brilliant sarcastic skewering of the rock scene, I was in stitches the whole time. At the end he mentioned that he was playing Bill Grebe’s guitar (“legendary”), but I don’t know who that is, or if I got the spelling right or even if I recall the name right. I’d appreciate if anyone could fill me in.

Calexico — Critical faves, I hear. Pretty much what I expected. Pleasant southwestern shuffle, low impact adult rock. The lead guy’s extolling of T+G and Chicago felt a little forced; I think they haven’t actually been on T+G very long, so they’re a bit of a fish out of water here. Anyway, they did fit well into the lower key feel of the third day of the festival. I recognized the pedal steel player (at right in photo here, playing regular guitar), I think because he toured with Kurt / Lambchop a while back. [does some googling] Yeah, it’s Paul Niehaus.

Other bands played, but I either missed them or gave a mighty shrug. I fail to see the talent in Pall Jenkins and any of that San Diego “pop” stuff. Gimme a John Reis band any day.

In all, an unbelievably great, friendly, groundbreaking event. Well run on all fronts. Best $35 I ever spent!

(June 2026 note: I originally posted this in 2006, to capture a few favorite music videos. Over the subsequent years, I came back here to add new ones as comments, and amassed a large collection. Then in 2025 the blog platform sh-t the bed and I had to migrate to this new one, but the comments didn’t migrate. I captured a copy of them, though, and in June 2026 I finally migrated all those comments into the body of this post. So, the first section below is my original 2006 post, and then below that is the epic list of everything else. Play these at my funeral celebration!)

Continue reading “timekiller fun: music videos”

apocryphal

This one comes to mind a lot because of the silly stories that the right-wing chuckleheads keep recirculating. Welfare queens, inventing the internet, fiscal conservativism by Republicans, etc.

It’s about time I start the series: favorite or intriguing words. This one seems to be an apropos way to start:

taxonomy

… because I’m so obsessed with organizing information.

I saw 24 full length features during this festival. I’m having difficulty picking the “best” of the festival, because while there were several very good movies, I can’t pick any that really got me. But here are the movies I liked the most, in some sort of order:

Sweet Land ( IMDB / website ) Puppy ( IMDB / website ) Brothers of The Head ( IMDB / website ) Independent, Doin’ Major Things ( IMDB / website ) The Holy Modal Rounders: Bound To Lose ( IMDB / website ) Crossing Arizona ( IMDB / website ) Abduction: The Megumi Yokota Story ( IMDB / website )

What’s odd for me is that I saw several narratives that I liked (Sweet Land, Puppy, Brothers of The Head); in the past I’ve tended to avoid narratives (sticking to documentaries) because I usually find them tiresome, silly and cliche’d. This year they were … just good.

When setting up my schedule for this year’s festival, I found that there was a LOT that I wanted to see, and I think that can be attributed to a programing shift at the festival. Apparently they decided to go decidedly more “indie” this year, and all I can say is that I liked this festival noticeably more than past years. None of the movies were out-of-the-park hits for me personally, but there were a lot of good ones, and it was time well spent. The tradeoff of leaning towards independents as that we don’t get to see the movies that made big waves at Sundance, like God Grew Tired Of Us, Iraq In Fragments, American Hardcore, etc. But I don’t mind that so much since those are likely to get distribution some other way, either via theaterical or DVD release.

Logistically, this festival avoided the messes of last year: there were hardly any technical problems, no cancelled screenings, all the information was at our fingertips on the website, etc. Hopefully next year they’ll figure out the GSU parking situation better.

American Blackout — obivously intended to be most flattering to Ms. McKinney, but a lot of the accolades are warranted since she is one of the few elected people at the federal level speaking truth to power; at this point she’s got nothing to lose, so she’s tackling issues and taking positions that other politicians won’t touch since she was taken down in 2002’s conflagration of media attention.

The doc is of course absolutely correct in its representation of the core issue of black voter disenfranchisement. but these docs don’t reach broad audiences and are likely to alienate moderates that they do reach, and so these docs like these an be seen much like the similar (but opposing) films that play to the conservative megachurch crowds in the white exurbs.

I suppose that there is still value in preaching to choir, perhaps energizing that choir; but the fact is that, as she observed on Election Night 2004, the right-wing is simply better at this; they can distort facts, hone simple messages and manipulate people into voting against their own self-interest. Further, they are now demonstrated experts at the disenfranchisement tactics that worked in Florida and then Ohio, and they’ll continue to stay one step (one election cycle) ahead of those of us who just want an honest vote. Democrats/liberals/progressives simply can’t execute on these kinds of tactics that modern politics require — I don’t know if it’s the diversity in the tent that prevents them from being able to dumb their message down to a simple set and then staying on message, or simply scruples, but it’s just not happening.

Oh, and, I’m probably naive about this, but I still blame Denise Majette for screwing up Cathy Woolard’s political career …

Pope Dreams — Damn them for making such an effective tearjerker; they just hammered away at all the big buttons. In general it’s a by-the-numbers romantic comedy that might star John Cusack or Meg Ryan, and thus it’s appropriate that the writing is pretty bad (like Saved-By-The-Bell bad) but as the movie wore on it kept getting better and better. The acting was good, although it was kind of hard to tell behind all that cliche’d writing. William Faulkner said “love, money and death are the only three things to write about”, and they thoroughly covered all three in this movie. I imagine that it was probably a tough call for the AFF folks about whether to include this film in the festival, what with the vigorously dopey 10th-grader writing and kleenex artillery, but there’s a lot of raw talent here and I’m sure we’ll see more from a lot of these people. Noel Fisher steals all his scenes, and Stephen Tobolowksy turned in his usual solid performance. Character development is messy but there’s lots to chew on.

Oh, Mr. Faulkner, Do You Write? — nice insight into Faulkner the man, adaption of a one-man play, although there’s hardly any “adaptation” since they just ran a few cameras during his stage performance, a la Spalding Gray, with audience engagement. Note: seeing movies with old people in the audience (a la Prairie Home Companion) is really annoying, what with their astonished gasps, agreeing mutters and other emotive grunts. I need to read another Faulkner book.

War and Truth — very frustrating. The title implies far more than they deliver in this doc about journalists in war zones. The first 45 minutes is a meandering collection of stock footage interpersed with random soundbites from interviews with journalists who have been in warzones. The last 20 minutes tries to redeem the doc with a jumbled mess of opinions from everyone about everything; they overstate the politics (WMD lies blah blah blah) but understate the propaganda/spin angle that they should be nailing. What goes unsaid is how reporting in vietnam was different from iraq; military’s control of story via embeds; the effect that security concerns have on journalists’ ability to seek out stories and context; military’s use of inexperienced local reporters who are happy to do stand ups without serious context or hindsight, thus playing lip service to “access”. There is a clear abandonment of neutral POV (e.g. showing images of White House or Bush when voiceover says “lies” or “propaganda”) with resulting alienation of audience; this might work if audience is led to that conclusion, but it’s just plopped in front of them. The only clear, pointed commentary came from Danny Schechter of www.mediachannel.org , so if nothing else, I got that pointer out of this. The filmmakers’ hearts are in the right place, but this is just yet another squandered opportunity to make a clear point. In the Q+A afterwards they said they weren’t done with it yet, so maybe they can resequence it and put together something …

Independent, Doin’ Major Things — You need to see this movie, although I don’t know how since it probably only plays in festivals or other oddball screenings (you can buy the DVD). “Hustle” Simmons (get it? har har) leads us through a fast paced introduction to the music and promotions business; technically it’s a complete f*cking mess, with bad edits, glitchy sound and awful transitions, but packed full of insight into the Atlanta hiphop scene, especailly the independent promotions activities from which all the hype and postcards and merch flows onto the streets. Drives home the point that major label agreements are designed to screw the artist and enrich the label, and that the way to riches to work outside the system, or somehow partnered with it, but definitely not inside it. Another great slice-of-life documentary.

Psychopathia Sexualis — a very unique film; most of it verges on pornography so be forewarned.

Too Tough to Die: A Tribute to Johnny Ramone — I had to surpress the urge to leave at least 4 times during this; it really highlights how good last year’s Ramones doc End Of The Century was. Performances by various punk movement luminaries (and not-so-luminaries) at a tribute concert in Los Angeles just days before Johnny dies of cancer. Great appearances by The Dickies and Henry Rollins, but that was overwhelmed by phoned-in interviews and performances by the likes of Anthony Kiedis, Pete Yorn (?!), Eddie Vedder, etc. Stuck it out to the end to be rewarded with a nice eulogy for Johnny. Hey director: next time you’re filming X, spend a tiny bit more time on Billy Zoom and DJ Bonebrake, mmmkay? And don’t relegate Joan Jett to the credits …

Factotum — nice little narrative with some big names; nothing much happens in the flim but that’s OK with me, considering that this is Bukowski; I especially liked how the theater was populated with a lot of people seeing it alone. This film has distribution (Matt Dillon and Lily Taylor? Duh!) and will be in theaters later this summer.